It's Friday. Sex?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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