this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
