shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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