It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
