There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
