3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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