i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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