wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
