Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
