I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
