i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
