I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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