so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
