Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
