Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
