Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
