I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
