Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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