Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
