So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
