I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
