I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
