This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize