Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
