angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize