What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
