Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
