Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
