Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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