The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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