are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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