I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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