Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
