Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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