By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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