the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
