There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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