tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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