Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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