we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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