Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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