Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
