he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
