they need to just BURY HIM!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
