It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
