This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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