i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I CAN MOONWALK!
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
