I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
