my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
