note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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