Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
