Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
