I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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