Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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