He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
