we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We're too hungover to prance.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
