Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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