Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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