i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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