Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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