He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
