WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
