So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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