Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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