I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
