Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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