Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
