Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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