White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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