i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
