you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
