The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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