Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
