Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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