New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
