dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i now understand why vodka
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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