One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
