i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize