So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
