Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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