wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
