I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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