So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Someone came in the potted fern
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
