Plan B is the new Plan A
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
