sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
