she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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